God’s Grace and Mercy
I didn’t understand completely the magnitude of God’s grace and mercy till I had my daughter Josiah Mae. It truly is a hard concept to understand. Grace and mercy do not come easily to our human nature since we are so fallen from God. We are always quick to say, “well, they got what they deserved” or “he or she had it coming,” but our wonderful God doesn’t operate like that and thank goodness for our precious Jesus He doesn’t.
It wasn’t till I got home from the hospital and was sitting on the couch with Josiah Mae, did I fully understand the magnitude and the depth of grace and mercy (His Love). I mean I knew God’s love (or so I thought) until I had this overwhelming emotion come over me and I just started weeping uncontrollably with such happiness and gratitude. I sat there looking down at her with tears rolling down my face. She was perfect. All I could think about was how much I didn’t deserve her and because of my poor decisions when I was younger, I didn’t have my other two babies with me. They are in heaven and with God’s mercy I will get to meet them one day… and AT THAT MOMENT I felt like I heard God’s whisper telling me, “This moment right here is one of the reasons why my Son died on the cross for you. So you can have these moments that you don’t deserve and because I love you that much.” I completely understood now at that moment the depth of love, grace and mercy that only God can give.
I was a women whom had two abortions in her life. I did not deserve grace nor mercy from God. I was the last person whom thought deserved anything. I mean there are so many women out there that try to have children but can’t get pregnant. Then you have others that can’t get pregnant and want to adopt but are not able to because of finances.
I didn’t deserve my daughter, but God showed me grace and mercy anyway. God showed me that at that very moment, as I was sitting there on that couch holding my perfect baby girl, were the moments and the reasons His Son Jesus died on the cross. Undeserved moments. God’s love is full of unfathomable grace and mercy. It’s a deep love that we go our whole lives searching for but are looking in all the wrong places for when actually the whole time it is right there in front of us. I think about the amount of love that we have for our own children and can’t help to think that God loves us a million times more than that! Crazy Love!!
When I first found out that I was pregnant with Josiah Mae I was terrified. I already had it in my mind something was going to go wrong with the pregnancy. I thought God was going to punish me. Then when I found out I was having a girl I became even more terrified. I was terrified of becoming my mother and not having a healthy relationship with my daughter. My mother and I struggled with our relationship most of our lives and it wasn’t until the last couple of years of her life, when she finally found Jesus, that we finally found some common ground.
BUT at the end of my pregnancy as I held my baby girl on that couch, I also heard God whisper in my ear.. “I don’t give you what you want, I give you what you need.” I gave you a baby so you would understand more completely my love and I gave you a girl so you could overcome your fear.”
God showed me a lot through the birth of Josiah Mae. Josiah by the way means God heals…. and boy does He heal our broken hearts. Praise and Glory to him forever and ever… Amen.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work in us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen.
Ephesians 3: 20-21
